Times have changed. Parents work long hours and return home exhausted at the end of a working day. Even children are busier than a decade ago and hop from one activity to another as soon as the school bell rings. All parents want to do when getting home is to kick off their shoes and relax. Those who are working with people even want to refrain from any conversations for at least half an hour. No parent, however, has this luxury. They are mostly greeted by a crisis or three to deal with together with the relentless evening routine. This results in children spending more time on their devices and social media, less family time (consisting of healthy activities), and parents and children drifting further away from one another. If parents don’t put conscious measures in place to counter this downward spiral, family life is in real danger.
I hear parents asking how curbing the downward spiral is possible. It is difficult, requires the cultivation of new habits, and dealing with initial resistance from your children. But it is possible and worth the effort. Here are a few suggestions:
- Eat meals together (without the ever-present TV switched on or devices at the table)
- Cook together – The entire family can be involved in preparing meals, and it can be a fun activity
- Find a routine that work for your family – Children need routine (parents too)
- Plan fun activities together – Use mealtimes to brainstorm ideas and work together to do them
- Be a team – Every member of the family can have household responsibilities in order to teach the children responsibility and provide parents teachable opportunities
- Create family traditions – Your child will not remember the expensive gifts, but rather the traditions you jointly created and participated in
- Learn how to listen – Active listening skills is the key to good communication and healthy family relationships
- Plan dates and keep them
- Make time to play together – good old-fashioned play (leave the technology consciously to the side when playing and make emotional contact by touching and eye contact
- Create technology free zones and times in your house and respect it
Parental investment in your children’s lives today will pay dividends on the day you are frailer and in need of assistance and support. Older persons need their adult children. The measure you were involved in your child’s life during his/her childhood is the measure they will be involved in yours as an older person. Whether it is on the same continent or from another continent. It can be challenging to be responsible for an ageing parent. Therefore it is important to know what ageing parents need from their adult children. Here are five things they need:
- Clear communication – Adult children need to listen to the parents, take their concerns seriously and be their advocate. Refrain from telling your parents what they should do, but give choices and assist them with decision-making.
- Respect – Older persons crave dignity and respect as their circumstances change. They need to be appreciated, visible, seen and acknowledged. Therefore, in our communication with older persons, we need to be mindful, open-minded about the ageing parent’s opinion, and be patient with them.
- Helpful assistance – Older persons don’t want to be a burden, but they need assistance with certain tasks. An interdependent system of assistance is therefore preferred by them over a dependence system. They still have a lot to give back. Accept their assistance with grace.
- A sense of control –The belief of control has a direct influence on the physical and mental health of older persons. Focus on the things you appreciate about your parents, example how the way they brought you up influenced the way you are today or their wise advice. Do ask for their viewpoint.
- Positivity – A positive mindset boosts a person’s health and well-being. Be positive in your interaction with your ageing parent. This will keep their positive self-image and good mental health intact. Encourage your parents to stay involved in activities that brings them joy.
The abovementioned were all things well-balanced parents gave their children while raising them. The roles change subtly and definitely. Be sure to care for each other. The parent-child relationship is most likely the longest standing relationship you will ever have. It is worth investing in.
Alida Jooste – Social Worker